Archive for June 1st, 2014

I love a loud, dumb, pop-genre romp with plenty of splosions and plot and stuff as much as the next guy.  Probably more than the next guy.  But the latest in the X-Men franchise was hollow as an empty can of Tab, dumb as a box of crabs,  nearly as self-referential as my narcissistic ex from grad school, not quite as loud as a Pixies concert, and flatter than day-old poori.    So the Magneto Gandalf dude is a good guy now.  But his younger self is still a little bitch.  But maybe not.  And Wolverine is supposed  to go back in time to save Peter Dinklage from the blue lady, who wants to kill him because he’s gonna have invented an army of mutant-killing robots for Richard Nixon. But first he has to rip Tony Soprano’s throat out.  After that, the story starts getting complicated.  This is not so much a review as a lament.  What the fuck did I just do for two hours?  I don’t even know!  I just know I’ll never get them back.  Unless I go back in time and kill Patrick Stewart. Looks like if I wanna enjoy a shitty movie any time soon, I’m gonna have to wait until Joss Whedon detoxes from the last Avengers to slam out another big budget E-ticket.

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